Post by alodia on Sept 20, 2013 4:09:50 GMT
Hello all. I just posted this on the AVEN forum but was met with some hostility. Maybe I'll have better luck here.
The summary of the thing below: I fluctuate between hypersexuality and asexuality. Anybody else out there? I'm so much happier now that I understand this about myself, but the current times are hard because I started a relationship while being sexual and now I've entered one of my asexual phases. Help?
I'm a human female of questionable gender (she, her, hers, herself are my pronouns).
I'm from Spain but studying/living in the US because of college.
I'm an activist and educator for diversity in all aspects -- sexuality being one of them.
I identify as pansexual because I can experience attraction towards people of any sex or gender.
I'm very sex-positive.
I'm non-monogamous and quite promiscuous.
I've had sex with over 100 people.
I'm kinky.
My current partner is transgender guy who is also pansexual and kinky. We've been together for 6 months and we are oh so very compatible. We'll be moving in together in about 3 months.
I'm 23 years old.
It was less than two years ago that I finally figured out something very important about myself: that I fluctuate between hypersexuality and asexuality. These fluctuations do not happen from one day to another, but they develop over months. There are small bumps here and there, but in general I'll observe a trend of my libido dropping little by little until I have no sexual desire at all... then I'll stay there for a while, and the libido will start going back up, little by little, until I basically wanna have sex all the time. And so it goes.
I can't tell how long it's gonna take from high to low each time. Sometimes I plateau at a certain point (max, min or in between), but I also don't know how long I'll stay at a certain place. I only know when I'm moving towards a certain direction, somehow. One of the ways I can tell is that when my libido gets pretty low I lose interest in people with penises, and stick to pussy-bearers only. Eventually I lose interest in sex altogether, though. And then it comes back.
These fluctuations, obviously, have nothing to do with my period. They also don't have anything to do with my mood (I've been very happy and asexual, very happy and hypersexual, depressed and hypersexual, etc). They also don't have to do with stress or whatnot. They just happen.
When I was younger I didn't understand this. I bought into the idea that active sexual live = healthy relationship. When my sexual desire started to drop, I thought there was a problem with my relationship. That the relationship was failing. That I was failing. This often resulted on me forcing myself to have sex, because I wanted to avoid the demise of whatever relationship I was in.
I took time off college between September 2011 and January 2013. At the beginning of my time off I was in a hypersexual phase. By January 2012 I had entered an asexual phase that lasted for about a month. Then the cycle went up again. When I met my current partner in March 2013 I was coming down from my most recent hypersexual state. I explained all this to him and I warned him that the day would come when I'd hit asexuality again, and that it would not be about him, and that he should be prepared.
Six months into our relationship, here I am, in my asexual phase again. We're in an otherwise happy relationship, but the lack of sex between us is making him feel not so good. I have come to embrace my asexual periods, but I do struggle because he struggles. He struggles because he's very sexual and sex is part of how he establishes intimacy. He has sex with other people (as I do when my libido is high). He struggles because he doesn't understand how my sexual drive can change so drastically. I'm guessing this won't last very long (1-2 months), but it's hard to tell.
ADDED:
I think I fit in the asexual community just like I fit in the queer women community.
My gender is questionable, but I am a female and I was socialized as a woman; I am pansexual but I have a preference for other pussy-bearers such as myself; therefore, I kinda fit in the queer women space even though I'm not a lesbian. I'm also a bit of an outsider because I don't only go for cisgender women.
Same here. I am asexual sometimes, for lack of a better term. I go through some of the same situations "full-time asexuals" go through, which includes people (including my boyfriend) not understanding what it's like. Of course is not exactly the same experience because I am in fact sexual most of the time.
I'm still trying to find someone who understands what this is like, and I thought that maybe I have a higher chance here than in other places.
***
Anyways, there's that. Thanks for reading.
The summary of the thing below: I fluctuate between hypersexuality and asexuality. Anybody else out there? I'm so much happier now that I understand this about myself, but the current times are hard because I started a relationship while being sexual and now I've entered one of my asexual phases. Help?
I'm a human female of questionable gender (she, her, hers, herself are my pronouns).
I'm from Spain but studying/living in the US because of college.
I'm an activist and educator for diversity in all aspects -- sexuality being one of them.
I identify as pansexual because I can experience attraction towards people of any sex or gender.
I'm very sex-positive.
I'm non-monogamous and quite promiscuous.
I've had sex with over 100 people.
I'm kinky.
My current partner is transgender guy who is also pansexual and kinky. We've been together for 6 months and we are oh so very compatible. We'll be moving in together in about 3 months.
I'm 23 years old.
It was less than two years ago that I finally figured out something very important about myself: that I fluctuate between hypersexuality and asexuality. These fluctuations do not happen from one day to another, but they develop over months. There are small bumps here and there, but in general I'll observe a trend of my libido dropping little by little until I have no sexual desire at all... then I'll stay there for a while, and the libido will start going back up, little by little, until I basically wanna have sex all the time. And so it goes.
I can't tell how long it's gonna take from high to low each time. Sometimes I plateau at a certain point (max, min or in between), but I also don't know how long I'll stay at a certain place. I only know when I'm moving towards a certain direction, somehow. One of the ways I can tell is that when my libido gets pretty low I lose interest in people with penises, and stick to pussy-bearers only. Eventually I lose interest in sex altogether, though. And then it comes back.
These fluctuations, obviously, have nothing to do with my period. They also don't have anything to do with my mood (I've been very happy and asexual, very happy and hypersexual, depressed and hypersexual, etc). They also don't have to do with stress or whatnot. They just happen.
When I was younger I didn't understand this. I bought into the idea that active sexual live = healthy relationship. When my sexual desire started to drop, I thought there was a problem with my relationship. That the relationship was failing. That I was failing. This often resulted on me forcing myself to have sex, because I wanted to avoid the demise of whatever relationship I was in.
I took time off college between September 2011 and January 2013. At the beginning of my time off I was in a hypersexual phase. By January 2012 I had entered an asexual phase that lasted for about a month. Then the cycle went up again. When I met my current partner in March 2013 I was coming down from my most recent hypersexual state. I explained all this to him and I warned him that the day would come when I'd hit asexuality again, and that it would not be about him, and that he should be prepared.
Six months into our relationship, here I am, in my asexual phase again. We're in an otherwise happy relationship, but the lack of sex between us is making him feel not so good. I have come to embrace my asexual periods, but I do struggle because he struggles. He struggles because he's very sexual and sex is part of how he establishes intimacy. He has sex with other people (as I do when my libido is high). He struggles because he doesn't understand how my sexual drive can change so drastically. I'm guessing this won't last very long (1-2 months), but it's hard to tell.
ADDED:
I think I fit in the asexual community just like I fit in the queer women community.
My gender is questionable, but I am a female and I was socialized as a woman; I am pansexual but I have a preference for other pussy-bearers such as myself; therefore, I kinda fit in the queer women space even though I'm not a lesbian. I'm also a bit of an outsider because I don't only go for cisgender women.
Same here. I am asexual sometimes, for lack of a better term. I go through some of the same situations "full-time asexuals" go through, which includes people (including my boyfriend) not understanding what it's like. Of course is not exactly the same experience because I am in fact sexual most of the time.
I'm still trying to find someone who understands what this is like, and I thought that maybe I have a higher chance here than in other places.
***
Anyways, there's that. Thanks for reading.
